John Habibi

The Olive Tree: {start of something new}

2012-01-05T09:52:00.000-06:00

Here is Mina's blog. The Olive Tree: {start of something new}: This time of year is filled with new years resolutions; promises to be better, to do something great, to try something new. We make them ...

:/

2012-01-05T09:47:00.003-06:00

So I have a few minutes before I rush out the door for work. I never update this thing. I guess I did over Christmas break, but it was just a quick idea I wanted to put out there before I lost it. Mina started blogging so that is probably why I am even updating mine. I'm not promising to update it more often... but it's a thought.

How great though art

2011-12-25T19:35:00.002-06:00

The flames in the fire place are now nothing but glowing red embers.
The candles are burning down to a small wax nothing.
But here in the dark as the smoke makes a smell pleasing to the nostrils,
our prayers go up in meaningful songs of exhaltation.
How great though art, how great though art.

"The report is not good... your reflection is a beast."

2011-08-29T21:10:00.005-05:00

I'm currently enrolled in what will be my heaviest semester yet. 19.5 credits, plus a job, and all the other responsibilities that come with life. Surprisingly, I am looking forward to this semester very much. Since this is my fifth year I no longer feel like a typical college student. Actually, I'm not sure I ever did. Nonetheless, this semester is all about classes and not college life.

One of my last theology classes is Christianity at Work. A coworker of mine, who attends Central Bible College, says not even his school would stoop so low for a title. Regardless, the course has my attention so far. Our initial text is a book called Character is Destiny by Pepperdine ethics professor Russel Gough.

I am only read through the second chapter, but I have to say so far the book has achieved it's purpose. It calls for self reflection. It probably helps that I have been doing a little of that already, but the book has been a catalyst for me to go deeper. Surprisingly, what I am finding about myself is not surprising.

I lack motivation. I was asking myself what it is I live for and it is not much aside from my normal roles of Fiance, Student, Employee, and Friend. Of course, like any person, I could use some improvement in all of those categories. But what I am most concerned with is my ability to give up on the challenging things.

With goals of getting into better shape, recording and producing more music, and saving for a wedding and married life, that is quickly approaching, most of those things to some extent have been mere ideas. As I read this book I pray the Lord to help me motivate myself and accomplish the tasks ahead of me.

My professor told a story of his college days. A story of when he asked a close female friend what she though of him. The friends answer: The report is not good. When he evaluated himself and saw a lot of talk followed by little action, he realized in his reflection was a beast.

One year anniversary!

2010-04-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

Mina and I went kayaking today to celebrate our 1st year together. It was a blast! The day started out rather worrisome due to the fact that the sky was darkened by overcast skies. I was worried it was going to rain. Fortunately for us it didn't rain until we were long gone. It was a great trip and I can't wait for whatever else we decide to do!

...to never forget

2010-04-02T17:18:00.000-05:00

Look at the trees. Oh, how they have grown... unlike the roots in my soul. The seed was planted so long ago... with a little water can you imagine, oh, how much it would have grown.

No fruit, no blossoms and no new seed to throw. Just a dried out seed... no roots have grown. Does new seed have to be thrown, or will a little water make what I have begin to grow.

THROW! THROW! THROW! Up from the ground. Let even the trees creeking be a holy sound. Fruit and blossoms from every branch. GROW! GROW! GROW! Down to the earth. Let the seed fall to bring an oh so holy birth.

My God, my God, what have I done to neglect your word to reject your son. My God, my God, what have I done to reject your son and forget His blood.

Oh God, my prayer is to never forget your son. To never forget his blood.

My sight is through your eyes

2009-03-29T21:01:00.005-05:00

I'm always running away from you
when I should be by your
side is where I should reside
but I'm always coming un-
glued to what I think is truth
instead of seeking your
face is red from disbelief
when shown your grace

Why is it I prefer to be blind
instead of seeking your sight
I know your love is more than enough
to carry me through this life
you are my king, my foundation, my God
I will make you my sight
to see through this world and all its lies
and all the ones inside

untitled

2008-12-25T21:04:00.002-06:00

There's a reason for this season.
He came to give us peace.
There's a smile on my face.
My parents always saved my place.
Underneath this sweater
My heart beats slower in my chest.
There's ice hanging from the trees
My blood just dropped a few degrees.

Complacent and dissatisfied.
Too lazy to get things right.
Unknowing to the reason
why I don't care in slight.

My God you sent your only son
to a man who hates within.
Too arrogant to accept your grace.
Too weak to run His race.
Deep in my heart of hearts
I know you're offering the best.
Your hand outstretched towards me:
Sinner - forgot how to breath.

Complacent and dissatisfied.
Too lazy to get things right.
Unknowing to the reason
why I don't care in slight.

Lights on the Christmas tree
Fire burning bright
You are the reason...
the hope that makes hearts ignite.
A baby born so long a go
changed the world... forever known.

Complacent and dissatisfied.
Too lazy to get things right.
Unknowing to the reason
why I don't care in slight.
I'll give up my burdens
and throw them out of sight.
I'll seek the king
the One who makes things right.

Complacent and dissatisfied.
Too lazy to get things right.
Unknowing to the reason
why I don't care in slight.
I'll give up my burdens
and throw them out of sight.
I'll seek the king
the One who makes things right.

Dear... whatever your name is,

2008-11-19T02:16:00.000-06:00

You drive me insane! I look for you in the faces of everyone I meet. And somehow I still don't know who I'm looking for... yet I try to find you. Yeah, I've met others... but somehow none of them are you. How do I know? Well, it's gonna sound selfish, shallow and like every other thing that is attributed to the bridge breaker, but they are all disposable relationships. I know, I'm a jerk, right? Well, I hope you see through that. 'Cause the truth is, I already have a deep love that can't be broken for you.

Love,
whatever my name is.

The Heart (A string of random thought)

2008-11-10T13:28:00.002-06:00

Content of heart.
Is it not just tissues and blood?
The heart is the basis of our living.
Why do we live?
This is why we attribute our hearts to desires.
It's the desires that give us something to live for/towards.
If Christ is "in your heart" that is your purpose of life.

Servanthood

2008-09-20T23:54:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been struggling with some bad habits. I find myself doing the very things I hate. Today I realized how to change that. I need to serve. I need to serve others and hold on only to the things that are necessary for my survival in life and The Lord. We had a Bible study in Swift Suites the other night and someone said that the reason we commit most of the sins we commit is out of selfishness. When we give of ourselves we are filled with a feeling that surpasses any selfish desire.

Overwhelmed and confident.

2008-09-09T11:59:00.003-05:00

So, these music classes are tough. They are killing me. I have to study so hard and I am still not at a satisfactory level. Most times when I would come to a tough thing like this I would just give up. Think about another major and go get the required amount of drop add slips. But I can't. Something inside me keeps telling me to try and study and that even if I don't fully understand this it'll be okay and the rest of the major will be all me.

I can tell it will too. Talking about the new studio and starting to mess with audio clips is beginning to be very fun. It's the technical side that I am realizing I am good at. Making music sound good. Using my creativity to give a song a whole new level. I am so excited for these next few semesters.

I just have to get through Music Theory... all three semesters of it.

Expectations

2008-07-09T12:25:00.001-05:00

Cancel your expectations and take life as it comes.

A toast to old friends.

2008-06-05T22:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes in life we meet people who impact us more than anyone else we know. Maybe they bring out the best in your character, or make your day seem so perfect. Maybe this person brings out your intellect or gets you really thinking on a level that changes your life after every conversation. Sometimes you have a friend that brings all those things out of you. You have no clue how long you'll be able to keep the communication connection open, but you love every minute of it.

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Now playing: Pigeon John - Identity Crisis
via FoxyTunes

Back home

2008-05-13T13:02:00.002-05:00

So, I'm back in Michigan, made it home at 11:20ish with enough time to drop off my tightly packed car, get in the minivan and pick my mom up from the airport. I'll be here for a little under four months. Will see how it goes. I couldn't ask for better friends here in Michigan or back at Evangel. I honestly could not choose one over the other. I am not looking forward to working at ABN, but unless I find something else with comparable pay... I will.

Well, just an update I guess. If any one here in the mitten wants to hang out, hit me up. You should have my number... if not, let's work on that.

Building a Patio

2008-05-08T19:30:00.003-05:00

I've been trying to build my grandparents a patio for the past few days. I expected my brother to help me but he works everyday from 3pm - 12am; So, that killed that thought. The best part so far has been my grandpa. Living in MI my whole life I haven't ever felt really close to my family down here in OK, I still feel that way. But to have my grandfather, who's health is deteriorating, be outside with me to help my when I'm stuck and just be interested in what I am doing has been awesome.

He goes in for radiation therapy at the end of the month. Keep him in your prayers. I have really enjoyed my time down here in Oklahoma, but I will be ready to leave for the 313 on Monday morning. See you soon Michiganders!

Good news!!!

2008-04-26T19:24:00.001-05:00

The skin they pulled off of my grandfather's neck was not cancerous. Just sun spots from being a hard working outside man! Thank you Jesus.

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Now playing: Cool Hand Luke - For You
via FoxyTunes

I feel like crap.

2008-04-20T15:28:00.003-05:00

My roommate slept with his fan on Thursday night, he does every night. I got sick at the beginning of last semester from it. Yes, I know you can't get sick from being cold, but it does lower your immune system. Thursday night he must have had it on a higher setting or something. It was blowing right at my head and I woke up Friday morning feeling like absolute crap. I went through my day and things weren't too bad. Then it came time to sleep Friday night. He wasn't here so the fan was off. I slept for maybe three hours. AH! I woke up Saturday morning at 8:00 and watched some Man VS. Wild and fell asleep on the floor. I ended up going back to bed and waking up at three to get food and prepare for spring fling. I was feeling alright until later that night. We went to steak and shake then I came back to my room to sleep. I slept pretty well but woke up feeling so much worse than before. I don't know what is going on! Just pray I feel better fast, Finals are next week!

Zach Kidder surprised us with a visit this weekend. Joanna said a friend from Washington was coming down to visit and she was taking him to Spring Fling. I woke up to Jeremy knocking on my door Saturday morning. He asked if I wanted to go meet Joanna's friend. I told him I was sick and didn't think that was a good idea as I crawled back into bed. Then he said "okay, well I want to show you something first." Then the most amazing thing happened, Zach walked into my room and sat on my bed with me. Being sick, tired, and surprised I said something along the lines of "You got to be mess me." It was for real, Joanna Van Ronk somehow kept her little Zach Kidder Spring Fling date a secret! I wish I could have spent more time with him. He came in late Friday night and Left at 9:00 this morning. I have been sleeping most the weekend away thanks to this head cold or whatever it is.

AHHH!!! I just want to feel better!

Pray...

2008-04-17T14:23:00.004-05:00

Pray for my grandfather; he is the only one I have ever known. The doctor's found that he had prostate cancer and it appears it may have spread. If what I am being told is true, they removed a tumor from his neck recently. I have never lost someone close to me. So, this could hit me pretty big, I think it already is.

Please pray for God's will in our family.

R.I.P. Chris Amore - Forever Missed

2008-04-17T01:23:00.003-05:00

A guy I knew back home was stabbed to death. He lived in Detroit and, as judgmental as this might seem, was probably up t no good. I mean, if you are from Detroit you know where not to be at certain times. This was not Chris' first encounter with fights.

Not too long ago another kid I knew died. He was in a motorcycle accident and busted his skull open. He was from a well-to-do family that owned a popular steakhouse in Dearborn. He was one of the cool kids who made sure everyone knew it.

I guess all this is to say, why do people forget all the negatives about people when they die? Don't get me wrong I feel terrible that these people are no longer on this earth. I just don't get it. People who were terribly hurt suddenly have R.I.P. _____ _____ on their myspaces and messenger profiles.

Writing that I realized how insensitive I seem. I guess what I should be focusing on is, did I do what God wanted me to do in these people's lives. I certainly hope so. Chris was going to join Master's Commission at my old church; I don't thin he ever did. I know he loved his family very much, he lived at home with his father and two younger sisters and wasn't in the right crowd. He came over a few times to use my turn tables and bass guitar.

Shawn and I made a video in 8th grade on the giver. We acted the story out and made sure our "outtakes" topped Tony's group. We skated a little together but he always acted tough and like he was better than me. It just seemed like a defense mechanism.

All this to say I was able to interact in these peoples lives before my own pride and selfishness kicked in. I just hope that I was able to be who God wanted me to be and I didn't get in the way.

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Now playing: Burden Of A Day - Battle For Hoth
via FoxyTunes

Hands up, praise the Lord.

2008-04-14T14:39:00.003-05:00

So, Jeremiah called me to go work the pedicab on Friday. I did not know the number so I didn't answer. When I got his message I thought about calling him back; I decided not to. Not that I don't need the money, God knows I do. I just know I'm going to miss everyone over the summer so I thought it would be more beneficial to hang out before I leave. Adam called today, I should probably call him back too.

Is it not crazy how God is there even when we aren't specifically looking for him. I'm thinking back on my year here at Evangel and looking at the person I am becoming. I have never once considered not going to church or thought maybe I should stop praying or I don't know some other crazy thing. It probably seems weird that I am pondering these things, but it seems like a lot of people just give up on God when they get even a taste of freedom. I have a friend who moved out when he was, I don't know, 19 or 20. He stopped going to church completely and gave up on a lot of the morals he was raised with. I have another friend whose parents weren't around so much in his mid-teen years and he is struggling with that relationship with Him as well.

I guess all this is to say I am glad God is always with us. Even when we turn our backs or get so selfish that we try things our own sinful way He loves us and has mercy on us and is more than happy to take us back as long as we tell him. As a Christian I make mistakes, heck, we all do. The only difference is as Christians we are called to acknowledge our mistakes and recognize through Christ's saving grace we are free. I do a lot of wacky stuff, but I can tell you one thing, I try my darnedest not to make that mistake again, and if I do, it's not in the same way it was before.

I think towards the last half of my life I can have this Christ-like life relatively down pack. Of course I will never be perfect, but I trust in God that with Him I'll be exactly who He needs me to be; in the end, is that not what we want too?

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Now playing: Saints Never Surrender - John Klotz
via FoxyTunes

Wowsas!

2008-04-13T17:35:00.001-05:00

Why do good ideas take so much time and effort. I haven't even really started and I've spent all afternoon on this!

Looking back...

2008-04-06T17:02:00.004-05:00

It's about a month to the end of the semester...
Wow! I'm looking back at all the things I could have done differently, and there were a lot of things I could have improved, and just as many I wouldn't think of changing. I did not do as well in my classes this semester, that is one thing I wish I would have put more effort to.

I know it probably should not be the highest priority but the relationships I have been a part of this semester and last are outstanding. I am so happy to have met the people I have. This semester even more than last, I feel like my friendships with people here are so strong.

I can't wait for a break from classes, but four months is a long time to be away from everyone. I will be working back at ABN. They just moved to their new location and I can see the headache that will be.

When ever I hear Anberlin's latest album Cities, I think of working there (probably because it was my album of choice when driving to and from there.) I do not get the greatest feelings from the thought of going back there, not for any drastic or extremely important reason, but I know it is a job in a state that is doing very poorly.
God will continue to be my strength I am certain.

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Now playing: Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
via FoxyTunes

Call me Riksha

2008-03-13T02:48:00.000-05:00

Tonight was my first night working downtown on the pedicab. On the way there I was praying that God would use this opportunity I have, and that he would give me an open mind and a sincere heart. I was asking God for strength because I know I will be exposed to things. Someone already offered me a joint as a tip. What I didn't think about is the people I would be transporting. My first ride was 2 slightly drunk young people and their utterly inebriated friend. This guy was so drunk he couldn't get in the cart, then he almost fell out. It was heartbreaking to see someone my age in that stage. God use me! Oh, and a little cash would be okay too ;)

I'm pumping my legs, leaning back, and still not in the swing of things.

2008-03-11T13:05:00.000-05:00

Today is my second day back and my head is still in Jamaica. Now I'm seeing how simple and wonderful things were there. It's true what people say about Jamaica, "No worries." I have English Lit. with Dr. Edwards today. It's a tough class and one I shouldn't have taken. Evangel wants another $200 from me by April for housing next semester. When will it end?

On a happy note Jordan Valley Pedicab called me and left a message while I was in Jamaica. I go for training today. I hope this works out, I need the money for school and such.

I wish I could go home for Easter. I'm tempted to. I can't say I miss home, but it would be nice to see everyone. See the parents and all.

Whatev

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Now playing: Anathallo - At The Lowest Point
via FoxyTunes

Pictures from Jamaica

2008-03-10T09:20:00.001-05:00

more pictures.

It's Monday morning and I am awake. If it was a normal day I would still be asleep. But I just woke up on my own at about 8:00. I'm just use to waking up and going to a run down school or working on the campus. I have never felt so meaningful and selfless all at the same time. My trip to Jamaica was outstanding.

We left Evangel at 4:00AM on Friday, February 29. Luke and I were too excited to sleep that night even though we had decided we should. The flight was only 4 hours and Jamaican customs were a breeze.

We arrived in Montego Bay, Jamaica around 4:00. Stewart Brown, the Missionary we worked with, one of his daughters and a hired driver were there to take us to New Vision City of Refuge. We piled our luggage and all 17 of us into a shuttle and SUV and began the two hour drive up the mountain to Christiana in Manchester, Jamaica.

As we traveled along the coast I was in shock at the living conditions, unfinished houses and poorly dressed people lined the road. I thought this was the extent of the poverty. I fell asleep as soon as we turned into a road taking us off the ocean view.

As I woke up I realized I had not seen the full view of life in this island. I began to see little shacks turned into houses some with barely a roof, stores made out of cargo trailers and people lining the street with seemingly nothing to do. As we passed a large group of people I heard one of them say "White people!" I think that is when I realized that we were now the minority. We arrived at New Vision City of Refuge Children's Home that evening.

We were introduced to some of the kids and started a game of football (soccer.) As the game progressed and we realized there was no set score to end the game many of the kids and my team began to leave and do other things. Myself and a friend stayed in the game through the rain and that's when I realized how much I wanted to be a part of their lives.

Although games and sports lined my time with the kids for the entire 9 days, the guys were also there to disciple and have devotions with the boys of the home. I had the first night and was not prepared to speak. I gave it my best shot and spoke on the faithfulness of God. As i looked into the faces of my new found friends I saw no emotion. I new then that even if I had prepared nothing I could say would move these lives in any way.

I was heartbroken. That night in team reflections I shared how inadequate I felt. Michael, one of the student leaders, said that Mr. Brown wanted the teams to press hard on the kids the salvation message. That is what we began to do. Luke spoke the next night and that's when things started to change. We weren't candy coating things we told them straight up that a life without Christ is a life destined for hell.

We asked if any of the guys thought they were saved. Only Wesley, The missionary's son, raised his hand. Throughout the week we began to see the guys open up. On Wednesday we had one-on-one discussion. Kent, one of the older boys chose to come and talk to me. Our conversation started with the mundane. Then I asked him, "Where is God in your life?" He began to tell me he had been baptized and that he had once known Jesus, but now he had fallen away.

He told me he was going to ask Christ back into his life at church on Sunday as a public declaration. I told him he didn't have to wait and I could help him then and there. Kent wanted to wait. I believe Luke was able to lead him in that prayer later in the week but Kent still wants to make that declaration on Sunday. He also plans to be baptized this Easter as baptism is a huge statement in Jamaica.

This trip has taught me so much. I knew where I was going and what I would be doing, but you never realize that you are interacting with true lives until you get there. Leaving wasn't easy. I wanted to stay where I was making a difference and could be used.

When we got to the resort and I saw all the white faces, all the men and women in their designer clothes, The first thought in my mind was "this isn't Jamaica."

Jamaica Count: 1 Day, 5 Hours

2008-02-27T22:42:00.000-06:00

So, about 29 hours to go, I'm sick of talking about it, I just want to go now. Here are some pictures of our shirts and out sports-pack that we got for the trip. It's all fairly sexy:)

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Now playing: Paulson - Calling On You

I am so ready!

2008-02-26T12:33:00.000-06:00

I am sitting here with another character analysis to do for Lit at 2:00 but all I want to do is day dream about little Jamaican faces. I am so excited to go and the speaker in chapel this morning just got me more pumped.

Time till departure:
02:15:24

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Now playing: Mute Math - Chaos

Jamaica Count: 3 Days, 11 Hours

2008-02-25T16:44:00.000-06:00

So here it is the week of midterms and all I want to do is leave for Jamaica. I only have one midterm so I guess it could be worse. This is my first time outside of North America (I've only ever been around much of the U.S and parts of Canada.)

I'm so excited, not only am I going to hang out with some cool kids but it's in a tropical island too! how awesome! We are mainly going to be hanging out around the City of Refuge Orphanage in Christiana, Jamaica. We'll be leading devotions, doing skits, and just hanging out with the kids there.

One of the skits we are doing is a pretty powerful human video to the song Everything by Lifehouse. I am so excited to see God move in the life's of those we come in contact with and our own. Of course, the free day at Sunset Beach in Montego Bay doesn't hurt ether.

I'll be sure and post more about this up until I leave and when I come back.

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Now playing: Andy McKee - Drifting

Double Date?

2007-10-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

So I went on a "double date" tonight. It wasn't so much a date as two guys hanging out with two girls. HAH. It was cool though. Tristin, John and Courtney are really cool people. I'm glad to know them. We saw Jekeyll and Hyde the Musical. It was awesome. They had two sex scenes though... I wasn't happy about that but now that I think about it I believe it was necessary for the story. Then we went to Steak 'n Shake and gave Courtney a hard time about a certain issue. John Wommack checked out some guy in drag and tried to gouge out his eyes immediately upon realization that it was a guy. Tristin had square sandwiches that were really triangle. and I believe in unity sex restrooms. It was a good time.

Harvest Fest is coming up and I won't be able to enjoy it. I have to run camera... what ev, right?

2007-10-18T14:34:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday night Luke, Jeremy, Zach and I were up until three in the morning discussing three theological beliefs.

They were:
Did God create Sin
Can one "lose" "salvation"
Are we predestined to make the decisions we do?

Here are my beliefs on the topics.
God did not create sin, sin was created by Lucifer, who was created by God. God created a being who had freedom of choice. Why did God give us freedom is a whole other thing but to touch on it I think it's because praise from someone who is doing it freely and by choice is worth so much more than forced praise.

http://www.carm.org/questions/didGodcreatesin.htm

I believe salvation can be lost. Once again God gave us freedom of choice. I believe that someone who is a true Christian will never choose to walk away from God, but it can/does happen.

Hebrews 10:26-27,29. For if we sin deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful prospect of judgment, and a fury of fire which will consume the adversaries. . . How much worse punishment do you think will be deserved by the man who has spurned the Son of God, and profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and outraged the Spirit of grace?

I don't believe God has our whole lives planned out for us, I simply believe He knows what we are going to do. But when it comes down to it the choice is still ours.

Lizzy sang, oh she sang.

2007-08-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

I believe every word my Grandma told me.
I believe every word she said.
She said she believed in heaven.
This is what she said.

"I can hear the angels singing
I can hear a holy praise
I can see the face of Jesus
I'm gonna leave this bed

I'm gonna see my husband.
He'll be alive and not dead.
I can see the face of Jesus.
I'm gonna leave this bed."

So don't tell me there is no heaven.
Cause that's not what grandma said.
I believe in heaven.
Cause she was praising from her bed.

She could hear the angels singing.
She sang in holy praise.
She saw the face of Jesus
from a meaningless death bed.

So don't tell me there is no heaven.
Cause that's not what grandma said .
I believe in heaven.
She was praising from her bed.

2007-05-27T23:02:00.000-05:00

Today was amazing.
I hadn't seen Toby and Tricia (my old youth pastors) in so long.
They live like an hour away which isn't that far so I really have no excuse.
I love the country, it's so beautiful.
Every time it makes me more determined to live in the country.
Peter, Jennifer and I bounced on a kiddie moon bounce.
It had a weight max of 300lbs. Peter and I alone were over that.
We had smores.
"how can I have some more if i haven't had anything?"
All out good day.

I am fasting this week from the internet and my phone.
Keep me in prayer so that I can hear God's voice clearly.
God knows we all need to hear him and feel his presence.

THANKS!

... because paper is to hard to find.

2007-05-21T21:58:00.000-05:00

I saw my flesh cowering in an empty grave.
And it looked more than six feet deep.
I use to have angels for friends,
holding the rope to save my life.
At one point I saw joy in fire to my exit.
And now my angels have blisters from flames to their hands.

Is there an easy escape?
Is joy so far away?
I can't rely on you.
Because I have forgotten how.

And I saw my spirit dive head first in the ocean.
With no plans of coming back for air.
And my flesh began to gasp,
As my selfish soul went down for a deeper lap.
At one point I saw joy in cutting the tube to air.
And now my lungs have pnemonia from selfishness in flesh

Is there another way?
There has to be another way.
Because I don't know how to find you.
My soul is so much dead.

2007-05-21T19:06:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard of an aerobie? It's like a frisbee but it rides on the air so if you do't throw it just right the wind can, and usually does take it the complete opposite direction. We had a young adults bbq and played. I haven't run and jumped like that in too long. My body is so soar. We played Bocce too. I have the coolest friends. I think this summer I want to do something every weekend. like go to the park or fishing or the lake or something. You know, take advantage of the weather before unpredictable Michigan comes back.

mmm salty.

2007-05-16T10:14:00.000-05:00

Have I surrendered to my sin?
Has it made its way from the outside to within.

GUARD YOUR HEART!
GUARD YOUR HEART!
GUARD YOUR HEART!

Tell me the secret.
Let that be the last.
Let me rest in your peace.
Because I don't feel it here.

My head is in whirlwinds.
My feet stuck in the cracks
I'm lost without you.
And blinded by the night.
I took my eyes from your glory.
I'm slowly looking back.
To curious for my own good.

LOOK BACK AND SALT YOU SHALL BECOME
LOOK BACK AND SALT YOU SHALL BECOME

Rescue me from my prison.
Rescue me from my sin.
Let my heart cry out to you
Instead of the the darkened thoughts within.

Everything I hate (I am)

2007-05-09T19:43:00.000-05:00

I am worthless,
I am sick.
I am everything I hate.
How can you, oh mighty God,
offer me your grace?

And I wondered before if I had the strength.
Now I know, I don't.
And before I thought,
I'll just rely on him.
Oh, how hard is that?

I've seen provision,
I've seen redemption all around.
But not in me.
I am afraid to submit,
and have to take control.

I am lost.
I am blind.
I am deaf to hear your call.
How can you, oh worthy God,
offer me your grace?
Save me from my fall?

FIVE THOUSAND CHOICES

2006-08-12T23:27:00.000-05:00

5,000 choices,
The right one has not yet been made.
5,000 and 1,
The best still hasn't come.
Every choice leads to disaster,
And every disaster has it's crime scene.
All have left,
And the finger prints belong to me

I'm sorry it's over,
And right now is to late.
You don't want any thing to do with me

A choice not made,
Is a decision not to act.
And a decision not to act,
Could be a choice to fail.
Failing has it's failures,
Failures often fall.
But sometimes i think,
I am the lowest,
Still without a call.

So i'm sorry it's over,
And right now... is to late.
You don't want any thing to do with me.

So here are the peices,
Broken and tattered.
Even the smallest,
Has more time to shatter.

An open wound will always bleed.
And my heart will always love.
can love bring pain?
Pain by One has shown the greatest love.
Love brings pain.
And sometimes... pain brings love.

I'm sorry it's over,
And... right now... is to late.
You don't want anything to do with me.