Today was amazing.
I hadn't seen Toby and Tricia (my old youth pastors) in so long.
They live like an hour away which isn't that far so I really have no excuse.
I love the country, it's so beautiful.
Every time it makes me more determined to live in the country.
Peter, Jennifer and I bounced on a kiddie moon bounce.
It had a weight max of 300lbs. Peter and I alone were over that.
We had smores. 
"how can I have some more if i haven't had anything?"
All out good day.

I am fasting this week from the internet and my phone.
Keep me in prayer so that I can hear God's voice clearly. 
God knows we all need to hear him and feel his presence.

THANKS!

... because paper is to hard to find.

I saw my flesh cowering in an empty grave.
And it looked more than six feet deep.
I use to have angels for friends,
holding the rope to save my life.
At one point I saw joy in fire to my exit.
And now my angels have blisters from flames to their hands.

Is there an easy escape?
Is joy so far away?
I can't rely on you.
Because I have forgotten how.

And I saw my spirit dive head first in the ocean.
With no plans of coming back for air.
And my flesh began to gasp,
As my selfish soul went down for a deeper lap.
At one point I saw joy in cutting the tube to air.
And now my lungs have pnemonia from selfishness in flesh

Is there another way?
There has to be another way.
Because I don't know how to find you.
My soul is so much dead.

Have you ever heard of an aerobie? It's like a frisbee but it rides on the air so if you do't throw it just right the wind can, and usually does take it the complete opposite direction. We had a young adults bbq and played. I haven't run and jumped like that in too long. My body is so soar. We played Bocce too. I have the coolest friends. I think this summer I want to do something every weekend. like go to the park or fishing or the lake or something. You know, take advantage of the weather before unpredictable Michigan comes back.

mmm salty.

Have I surrendered to my sin?
Has it made its way from the outside to within.

GUARD YOUR HEART!
GUARD YOUR HEART!
GUARD YOUR HEART!

Tell me the secret.
Let that be the last.
Let me rest in your peace.
Because I don't feel it here.

My head is in whirlwinds.
My feet stuck in the cracks
I'm lost without you.
And blinded by the night.
I took my eyes from your glory.
I'm slowly looking back.
To curious for my own good.

LOOK BACK AND SALT YOU SHALL BECOME
LOOK BACK AND SALT YOU SHALL BECOME

Rescue me from my prison.
Rescue me from my sin.
Let my heart cry out to you
Instead of the the darkened thoughts within.

Everything I hate (I am)

I am worthless, 
I am sick. 
I am everything I hate. 
How can you, oh mighty God, 
offer me your grace?

And I wondered before if I had the strength.
Now I know, I don't.
And before I thought,
I'll just rely on him.
Oh, how hard is that?

I've seen provision,
I've seen redemption all around.
But not in me.
I am afraid to submit,
and have to take control.

I am lost.
I am blind.
I am deaf to hear your call.
How can you, oh worthy God,
offer me your grace? 
Save me from my fall?